Taisuke Trilogy 2 Afraid To Sleep
by Clear Skies
Summary: Second fic in the Taisuke Trilogy arc. For Debra (we love her). A painful breakup...and a tearful reunion. Second chapter up. Complete.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Konnichiwa, one and all, and welcome to the second fic in the Taisuke Trilogy. Another two-chapterer, and as always dedicated to Debra, who commissioned it. We grovel.   
The first fic in the trilogy is located here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=847049 It'd probably be best if you read that first, although this one can probably stand alone.   
Warnings: Shounen-ai, with some yaoi. No lemon _as yet_ (see next chapter). Flames will be used to toast marshmallows. Debra rules.   
Disclaimers: Yes, I do own Digimon. I bought seventeen hundred shares in Toei and can therefore dictate what happens in the next series. Stand by for a complete reversal of Episode 50, as well as the canonisation of Taito, Daikeru and Kouori.   
Well, I can dream, can't I?   
I also don't own the copyright to Afraid To Sleep by Dido, and so the lyrics are used here without permission but with many thanks. She officially rocks.   
Drop me a review at the end of this, ne? If you stay awake through it all, that is.   
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
_We slept in this room together   
But now you're gone   
And it's so quiet I turn   
The TV on   
We lived in this room together   
We painted the walls   
Now time doesn't stand still   
It crawls...   
_   
There's not a sound in the house. Just wall-to-wall silence - not a whisper, not a single noise. Nothing.   
I took the batteries out of all the clocks, you know. Just so I wouldn't have to hear that clack-clack-clack of the big one in the hall, or the quiet ticking of the one in the kitchen, or even the almost inaudible noise of the one by our..._my_ bed. I didn't want to hear my life ticking away, every second wasted now you're gone.   
The TV stands silent, the radio unused - no music today. Everything's off, even the 'fridge - I couldn't stand that interminable buzzing noise. The only sounds are my own breathing and my pulse throbbing in my ears - and without you here, they might as well be stilled completely.   
Poetic, _ne_? Who'd have thought that thick-headed Taichi Yagami could be thinking stuff like this?   
It's true, though. I lay awake all last night, while you invaded my thoughts and forced your way into my head. I didn't dare drift off - I knew the minute I did you'd be there, laughing and joking and being _you_, and I'd wake up to find you gone and cry my eyes out. _And I'm afraid to sleep   
'Cause if I do I'll dream of you   
And dreams are always deep   
On the pillow where I weep   
_   
Didn't think I was the romantic type, did you? You always used to tease me about having more hormones than heart, and maybe that was true at the time, but let's put it this way - now the house is empty, it isn't the sex I miss.   
It's weird, saying it like that, because this house _isn't_ empty. It's full with just me in it - with a 17-year-old still in school and a 20-year-old undergraduate working part-time, we couldn't exactly afford a palace. It's poky and small, but at least when you were here it felt alive. Now it just feels lifeless, dead.   
That's it. It's not the house that's empty, it's me. You fitted so neatly, so perfectly into my life that now it's like someone took half the pieces out of my jigsaw.   
I just want to ask - why him?   
  
_I never realised how much I was   
In love with you   
Until you started sleeping with   
Someone new   
Last night I dreamed again and   
You were there   
You kissed my face   
You touched my hair_   
  
Why him, of all people? He's supposed to be my best friend, for god's sake, and then he goes and steals my fucking boyfriend!   
When I found out, I was furious. Livid. Right then, I could easily have strangled both of you. I couldn't bear to think of you kissing him, touching him...   
...sleeping with him.   
I sat watching the door until you came home from soccer practice, then laid into you. It was all I could do to keep from punching you in the face. I ignored all your attempts at defence or explanation - I didn't care how much of a mistake it was, or if it'd only been the once, or that it meant nothing to you. At that moment, I just wanted you out of the house.   
For three days I fumed - I couldn't believe you and Matt could've done that to me. I missed two essay deadlines and got a reprimand for mouthing off at a lecturer, then almost got fired from my job for yelling at a customer.   
After that, I managed to curb my anger, but couldn't stop myself being unhappy. I cried tears of sadness instead of rage, wishing none of this had ever happened.   
Tuesday was the worst. I walked into the bedroom and just broke down in tears. I couldn't stand the sight of the bed that we'd shared every night since you moved in. I wanted you back so badly.   
There. I've said it. I want you back. I don't care that you slept with Matt, that you cheated on me with my best friend. I just want you back.   
Tuesday was the last time I slept, too, quilt wrapped around me, pillow over my head to drown out those damn neighbours. I dreamt about you, then, dreamt you were lying next to me like before. Stroking my hair and whispering soft, meaningless words to me. Then you kissed me lightly, twining your fingers through my hair, and I reached out to touch you. It hurt so much when you faded away before my eyes.   
You can't have any idea what that felt like, waking up to find the space next to me empty and cold. I cried for hours. Dai, come back. Please.   
  
_Lying alone in the darkness   
With a memory in my head   
There's a big hole where my heart is   
And a lonely feeling rolling round my bed   
  
And I'm afraid to sleep   
'Cause if I do I'll dream of you   
And dreams are always deep   
On the pillow where I weep   
_   
Where did you go, when I threw you out? I know you didn't go to Matt's, because I rang him this morning. He expected me to scream and rail at him, like I did when he first told me. I remember that all too well - his soft, apologetic voice on the other end of the phone, and then all reason being swept away as the words 'I slept with Davis' sank into my brain. He didn't get the chance to say sorry - I just exploded at him.   
He said sorry this morning, over and over and over. He was crying, too - very softly - and I didn't have it in me to be angry with him any more. I just asked him where you'd gone.   
His best guess was that you'd gone to stay with your parents, but I didn't buy that for a moment. Not after how your dad reacted to hearing you were going to move in with me and - what were your words? - there was nothing he could do about, intolerant bigot that he was.   
No, I think I know where you went. You always did run to Ken when you were hurt or confused. _Breep, breep.   
_"Moshi, moshi. Ichijouji residence, Ken Ichijouji speaking."   
"Um...hi, Ken."   
"Good evening, Tai." Can't fault his politeness, but the voice doesn't match the sentiment - it's cold and hostile.   
Well, fuck him. Time for the direct approach.   
"Is Dai there?"   
"No." _Shit._ "He was until a minute ago, though." _Good._ "He's on his way to see you, actually." _Fantastic! _  
"Great! Thanks, Ken, I - "   
"If you hurt him, I'll kill you."   
Hang on just a bloody second! "If _I_ hurt _him_?"   
"Yes." Less hostile now, just calm and extremely deadly. "Do you really think that Dai would _ever, _**_ever_**hurt you?"   
I'm practically spitting down the phone at him. "In that case, why the hell did he sleep with my best friend?"   
"He told you, or tried to tell you. It was an accident and he made a mistake. You'd had a fight, and he ran to the closest person - Matt - until you'd cooled off. He was crying like anything, terrified he was going to lose you."   
Ken sighed, his voice taking on a slightly more sympathetic tone. "Tai, you're very lucky. You may think Matt is more good-looking than you, and that may be true, but you've got a personality he'd kill for - lively and likeable and friendly. You could have anyone you wanted." Another sigh. "Damnit, Tai, Matt's not made of ice. He'd like to think so, but he isn't. He was _lonely_, in a way you'll never be. He didn't know whether he'd ever find anyone to love him. When you get like that, you do stupid things. Dai came running to him, and he reached out."   
"He over-reached, you mean."   
"Whatever. He apologised." I open my mouth to respond, but Ken keeps talking. "You don't understand, Tai. Matt is as sweet and gentle, as cheerful and outgoing as you are - _once you get to know him_. You know what he's like - he pushes people away, and if they let themselves be pushed, no-one ever gets close to him. That's why he was lonely, and why he did what he did."   
Something finally clicks - a piece of the jigsaw fits, although I never thought of turning it _this_ way before.   
"You like him, don't you?"   
Surprise, amusement and shyness all colour Ken's voice. "Whatever, Tai. Just don't hurt Davis."   
"I won't" I promise, and I mean it. I love him, after all, and I want him back.   
  
I swear, fate has a sense of humour. Not a minute after I've put the phone down, there's a soft knock at the door.   
Slowly, giving myself time, I walk over to it and ease it open. Outside stands Dai, cinnamon hair plastered darkly against his head, coat gathered tightly around his hunched shoulders. I blink - I hadn't even heard it start raining.   
He winces, bracing himself against another kind of storm, but the expected yell never comes. Instead, his face is a picture of surprise as I gather him in my arms and hold him tightly, not caring that he seems to be carrying an insane amount of water about his person.   
That isn't helped when he starts to cry. Hot tears spill onto my shirt, almost scalding in contrast to the coldness of the rainwater.   
I let him soak my shoulder for a long time, coiling strands of his sopping wet hair between my fingers and meeting every 'I'm sorry' with an answering 'It's OK...'   
Finally he cries himself out, then raises red-rimmed eyes to meet mine. I stroke a tear from his cheek with the back on my finger, and he swallows hard.   
"I'm sorry - "   
"Stop saying that." I put a finger on his lips, but he shakes it off.   
"No, Tai, I really _am_ sorry. I - I still love you, even if you hate me..."   
"I don't hate you." _Damnit, Dai, it's all I can do not to wrap my arms around you and kiss you senseless! _  
He flicks his eyes down to the floor. "Well you should."   
I can feel my stomach knot. Shit, have _I_ made him feel like that? Quickly, I grab his head in both hands and force that lovely, crumpled, tear-stained face back up.   
"Dai...I forgive you. Really I do."   
He manages a watery half-smile, then begins crying again. I lean him back against my shoulder and stroke his back to calm him down.   
"Shouldn't...need...to forgive," he hiccups in between sobs. "I shouldn't...have…been such...an idiot."   
_Time for shock therapy._ I envelop him in a hug and kiss him, sacrificing gentleness for depth and emotion. He's startled for a moment, then leans his whole weight against me, absolutely exhausted. I stagger and break the kiss in order to catch him.   
I stroke a few stray hairs out of his eyes, wondering how I could ever have been angry with such a beautiful, sensitive boy.   
"I love you."   
He smiles up at me, nestled snugly in my arms. "I love you too."   
That's all we need to say. We know what's happened, and we no longer care. I certainly don't. I'm happy just to have him back where he belongs.   
"Come on," I smile down at him, "let's get you out of those wet clothes before you get ill."   
He pouts adorably, then proceeds to prove me right by sneezing hugely.   
I lift him up into my arms - he's light enough, provided he doesn't struggle - and convey him through into the bedroom. Laying him down as carefully as if he were made of glass, I start unbuttoning his shirt.   
By the time I've got him down to his boxers and wrapped in a quilt, a cup of steaming hot cocoa in one hand, he looks significantly better. His hair has dried and is sticking out at wild angles all over his head, and his eyes have lost that horrible haunted, bloodshot look. In short, he's almost back to his normal self.   
An observation which is reinforced when he unwraps the quilt from around himself and pats the bed next to him. I resist the temptation for a moment, then go over and sit down next to him, taking him back into a hug and resting my chin on the top of his head as he wraps the quilt around both of us.   
He snuggles up to me, and I can feel his warmth seeping through my clothes. I sigh contentedly, and he smiles up at me.   
"I missed you."   
"I missed you too, Dai-chan. It was quiet without you."   
He grins. "I don't know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment."   
I kiss him on the tip of his adorable nose. "It's a compliment, honest."   
"I believe you." He nuzzles my neck, breath warm against my skin, and I shiver contentedly.   
"I think we'd both better get some sleep," I say, but he seems to have other ideas. He kisses me deeply, flicking his tongue against my lips until I part them and give him access. When he's satisfied that every inch of my mouth has been explored, he slides his mouth down my chin to my neck, kissing and nipping gently at the sensitive flesh.   
"Dai...sleep?"   
"We can sleep some other time," he murmurs, nibbling at my collarbone. Despite myself, I can feel my resolve wavering - he's very, very tempting.   
"No, Dai," I tell him firmly. "Sleep. Everything else can wait."   
He pouts, but I stand firm. I don't know about him, but I'm exhausted. Not to mention I have to put all those clock batteries back in tomorrow...   
As we snuggle up together in our accustomed position, one last thought crosses my mind as I feel my eyes start to close.   
_I'm going to have to talk to Matt..._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Warnings for shounen-ai, too much angst, too little plot exposition, random Joni Mitchell and various other hazards. Beware. This fic is a minefield. You have been warned.   
However, if you make it through unscathed, please leave a review!   
The third fic in the trilogy will no doubt be appearing relatively soon. Stick around, people!   
Disclaimers: Don't own Digimon. If I did, I would definitely write myself into the show as the guy who gets to screw Matt senseless every five minutes. Also don't own the rights to Joni Mitchell's Big Yellow Taxi - used without permission but with massive thanks. Joni rocks, people. Bow before her.   
On with the fic. Angst-hats, on, people.   
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
"Come in."   
His voice is very, very tired. There are dark rings around his bloodshot eyes, and he looks in general as if he hasn't slept in a week. Even his hair, normally so immaculate, falls in disarray over his face. I feel suddenly very sorry for him - all the anger just drains out of me. How could I yell at him, when he looks like this?   
He motions to a chair and I sit down, while he slumps lifelessly in another.   
"So..." I begin, but he breaks in.   
"Let's get this over quickly, shall we? I slept with your boyfriend. I'm a bastard. You hate me." He leans forward, a sudden intensity in his eyes. "_And I am more sorry than you could ever know._" Then he leans back, the light dying from his dull blue eyes.   
I don't know what to say. "I know."   
"No you don't." He looks out of the window, his eyes going distant. "I was an idiot. I led him on, seduced him. I can't believe I did it, but I did."   
I lean forward, willing him to look back at me. "That's not how Dai tells it."   
He _does_ look back, at that, and smiles somewhat lopsidedly at me. "You're something, you know that? I thought you were going to come over and punch my lights out, but instead you're taking my side. Even against your own boyfriend. There's not many people who'd do that."   
I shrug. "I'm not 'many people'. And neither are you. You've been my best friend since god only knows when. I _know_ you, just as much as I know Dai, and I know it was a mistake." I manage a mirthless chuckle. "A really _big_ mistake, but still a mistake. It's not your fault, either," I warn him as he starts to open his mouth.   
He gives me a you've-gone-mental look. "So whose is it, then?"   
"Mine. At least in part. If I hadn't had that stupid row with Dai, none of this would have ever happened. D'you know what it was about?" He shakes his head. "Dai thought I was sleeping with someone else. Ironic, _ne_?"   
He gives me an incredulous look. "_What_?"   
"It's true. He'd heard some rumour that I'd been flirting with one of his schoolfriends one day when I came to pick him up."   
"And had you?"   
I shake my head vehemently. "No. Not a chance. The kid was cute, and yes, he hit on me, but I stopped him dead. Dai somehow got the wrong story, and accused me of seeing this lad behind his back. I...kinda blew up at him. I hated that he didn't trust me." I suck in a deep breath. "If I'd just said 'no' straight off, we wouldn't be here now."   
He sits back in his chair, one finger twisting unconsciously in his hair. "Still..."   
I hold up a hand. "No. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you keep trying to blame yourself." I reach forward and take his hand between both of mine. "You're my best friend, Dai's my boyfriend - I don't want to lose either of you if I don't have to. I forgive you."   
"You shouldn't have to." His words match Dai's exactly. "I shouldn't have been so damn stupid in the first place."   
I lean forward and pull him into my arms, cradling his head against my shoulder. He sniffles slightly, and I stroke his hair soothingly.   
"You remember three years ago, when I first got together with Dai?" I murmur, and he nods. "You remember I told you if I found a really nice guy, we'd all go out on a double date?"   
"Mmhm."   
"Well...I found you one."   


* * * * *

God, if I'd known it'd be _this_ awkward, maybe I'd never have bothered...   
This table started off with four chairs arranged at regular intervals around the table. Naturally, Dai and I dragged two of them close together and are practically sharing them, but Ken and Matt are sat as far apart as possible, barely even making eye contact.   
What's wrong with them? Ken likes Matt, I know he does, and Matt...   
Maybe he's the problem. He's never had a boyfriend before (the thought _except mine_ sneaks its way into my head, but I squish it as being unworthy and unfair. _A mistake, that's all_). How to get the ball rolling is the question...   
Dai shifts in my arms and makes a little noise of contentment. I look down at him, nestled tightly against me, and smile. I'm so happy we made it up - I couldn't imagine life without him...   
  
_"Why did you do it?" I'm not yelling at him - it's just a simple question. _  
_"I don't know." He looks down at the floor, chewing nervously on his bottom lip. "When...after we fought, I was completely lost. I really thought I'd lost you." A tear slips unheeded from his eye, and I want to lean forward and wipe it away. "I couldn't think of anywhere else to go, so I went to Matt. He was..." He looks up at me, his eyes pleading with me to understand. "He was __Matt__. Understanding, caring..." He flicks his eyes back down to the floor. "I...I don't know why it happened, but afterwards...all I could do was cry, even more. I thought I'd finally screwed up my one last chance..." _  
_He chokes up, and I lean forward and gather him into my arms. "Ssh, ssh. I forgive you, really I do."   
He twists in my arms, looking up at me with eyes shimmering with unspilt tears. "You...you can't..." _  
_I stroke his hair, trying to soothe away his fears. "I can, I promise. I love you." I lean down and plant a gentle kiss on my cinnamon-eyed koibito's cheek. "Always have, always will." _  
_"But - " _  
_"No buts," I say firmly, pressing a silencing finger against his lips. It's over, done with, forgotten about. Matt's still my best friend, and I still love you." _  
_He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me until I think I'm going to crack a rib, pressing his face into my chest and sobbing fiercely. I encircle him with my arms, resting my cheek against his hair and just letting him cry it all out. "Ssh..." _   
  
I lean down towards Dai until our lips meet, a quick brush before we pull away. I get a quick taste of coffee and spices and that glass of cider we got him (I know we shouldn't, but those big chocolate eyes are so damn hard to refuse...), before bringing my eyes up to the other two. Ken's mouth quirks up at the corner, a shy little inward smile; Matt's face shows open relief. I wink at him, an everything's-fine signal, and he chuckles, his fears allayed.   
I clear my throat pointedly, casting around for a decent topic of conversation - and a way of getting these two to open up. _Got it_. "So, Ken, how're the guitar lessons coming?"   
He barely has time to open his mouth before Matt jumps in. "You're having guitar lessons?!"   
Ken blushes a fine shade of pink and murmurs, "Yeah."   
"You any good?"   
"Well..." The blush intensifies, moving from pale pink to deeper red.   
_What're the chances..._ I click my fingers, calling a waiter over, praying we don't get the same one who shot such a disapproving look at Dai and I earlier. Luckily it's a nice girl who answers. I put on my best ingratiating look and apologise inwardly to her for what I'm about to ask her.   
"Can I have the bill and an acoustic guitar, please?"   
Taken aback, she looks completely confused, and Dai snickers from somewhere deep in my chest.   
"I'm sorry?"   
"Is there an acoustic guitar somewhere that we can borrow?" Ken's semaphoring frantically at me, mouthing 'No! No!', but already the waitress's expression have gone from confused to bemused but understanding.   
"Um...I'll have a look..."   
A few minutes pass quietly - partially because Ken's too dumbfounded to speak and the rest of us are too busy sniggering - before she re-emerges from the kitchen, triumphantly carrying a rather battered guitar.   
"Here you go - one of the kitchen hands is learning."   
"Thanks." I flash her a smile and hand the instrument over to Ken, who shies away from it as though it's a weapon. I push it at him again, and he takes it reluctantly. The waitress is still hovering, obviously wondering what these nutcases are going to ask for next - a grand piano, maybe? A string quartet?   
Ken tunes up somewhat hesitantly, and plucks a few chords before apparently deciding on a song. A second later, we're rewarded with a burst of cheerful chords. It takes me a second or two to recognise it, but when I do I grin and start humming along. Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell - a classic song.   
Ken's fingering isn't perfect, and the occasional chord falls a little flat, but Matt doesn't seem to mind. He's leant forward in his chair, eyes alight with interest, tapping one foot to the music.   
Ken starts into the first verse, clear voice resounding in the sudden stillness of the restaurant - people are staring, but who really cares?... _  
  
They paved paradise, put up a parking lot   
With a pink hotel, a boutique and a swinging hot spot   
Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone   
They paved paradise, put up a parking lot   
_  
Matt takes a breath, and then the two of them are singing together, their eyes meeting across the guitar. I feel like punching the air in jubilation as they move into the next verse. _  
  
They took all the trees, put 'em in a tree museum   
And they charged the people a dollar and a half just to see 'em   
Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone   
They paved paradise, put up a parking lot   
_   
I join in, rusty as my voice is, and even Dai manages a note or two. The waitress obviously thinks we're completely insane, but even _she_ is humming along. _  
  
Hey farmer, farmer, put away that D.D.T. now   
Give me spots on my apples but leave me the birds and the bees   
Please!   
Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone   
They paved paradise, put up a parking lot   
_   
The last verse, and Matt and Ken _still_ haven't broken eye contact! By now several people from the other tables have joined in, and curious heads are popping out of the kitchen door to see what's going on. How Ken's still managing to keep the fingering right without looking at the guitar is a mystery... _  
  
Late last night I heard the screen door slam   
And a big yellow taxi took away my old man   
Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone   
They paved paradise, put up a parking lot   
They paved paradise, put up a parking lot   
They paved paradise... Put up a parking lot!   
_   
Flushed and breathless, Ken hands the guitar back to the waitress amid a scattered round of applause from the other diners. Dai is clapping and cheering, and there is some definite whistling coming from the direction of the kitchen.   
However, I'm more interested in what's happening on the other side of the table. Ken is _still_ blushing, and Matt has reached out and put his hand over Ken's. Ken's head comes up, and their eyes meet again...   
I slip the waitress a massive tip at the end of the evening, but she pushes it back at me. "Not a chance...sir. We haven't had that sort of entertainment in here for a long time." She flicks her head at Matt and Ken, now firmly entwined in each other's arms (what a sweet picture!), murmuring softly to each other. "And they make such a wonderful couple...anything I could do to help..."   
I flash her one of my 'charming' smiles and push the tip back across the table. "You must be the only server to've been asked for an acoustic guitar. You deserve this."   
She blushes and accepts it modestly, then nods over my shoulder. "Your boyfriend's waiting."   
I thank her one last time, turn round and surprise Dai by sweeping him into my arms and giving him a big kiss on the cheek. He mock-struggles for a second - he still likes to keep up the tough-guy image in public - then grins at me and kisses the tip of my nose.   
I cast a glance over to Ken and Matt. It's incredible how quickly they've got together - it's gone from 'you're a really good guitar player, you know' (translation: I find you really attractive) to 'can I make you breakfast?' in the space of about ten minutes...   
I'm so glad. Matt really deserves someone, and Ken's perfect for him. May they last forever.   
I squeeze Dai tight, and he wraps his arms around me and does the same. And may we last forever, too! 


End file.
